Hurtful

Since giving birth to Maryam..
I'm never rest..
Feel exhausted.. feel bad..

Wake up early morning at 5 a.m
Travel for half and hour to send Maryam to babysitter..
Turning back to work..
At work.. yadayadayada.. u know...
After working hour..
Fetch Maryam and turn back home..
Fetch Fatimah..
Play with her..buai laju laju..hide and seek..and the list go on..

Maghrib..

very peak time for me..
Praying in rush..
Maryam crying..need my attention..
Fatimah on bed..jumping with song lompat si katak lompat..

Then.. living room become playing room..

all things on the floor..

Fatimah toys everywhere..

Hectic..

Then..

At 8.45 husband arrived

First question he will ask?

"Kakak(means fatimah), Semaknya rumah"

And the list go on..

Its hurt..
Coz i'm tired..
Exhausted..
Need helper..
Need rest..

But when i said letih la.. he will go..

"Dah selalu sebut letih..letih la"

One fine day..
During solat..i cried..
During doa..i cried..
And Fatimah comes to me..
Swap my tears.. and said..
"nape ibu sedih"
hears that...
my tears drop again..
Same like i usually do to her..
she do it to me..

And that time i'm realize..
My kids understand me better than him..

Allah still love me..

Sometime i cried to my dad..

Coz sometime its too much..

I only have my kids and parent and sister who understand my feeling..

sorry....

this is my random feeling...

need a rest... just a rest...